The blonde attempts to stay away from the racecourse for a week, and when the craving becomes to strong decides to go to a movie to distract herself. Tuffara. A Cough stirrup. Why did the horse get an award?It was out standing in its field.How was the horse after the accident?In a stable condition.What do you call a horse thats a world traveler?A globe-trotter!Why did the foal go to the doctors?He was a little hoarse.What animal can you always rely on?Horses, cause their always stabled!What kind of vacuum cleaner do horses prefer?A Hoofer.Whats the quickest way to send a horse mail?Using the Pony Express.A man rode his horse to town on Friday. These funny horse jokes are sure to make you and your pals laugh out loud! and Jenny was the name of my horse. It was sole destroying. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? basically anything where you can put a leg over something and ride it. He galloped away from Charlie with defeat. Sounding easy the man says. "You got to ride him to win," the trainer says, "because I've got a monkey on this horse, and so has my wife." "Will there be any room for. Unbelievably, against some of most well-engineered machines on Earth, as soon as the race started it was Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin and again, Hobbin wins by a nose. "Oh honey, you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Whether youre looking for a laugh to brighten your day or just want to impress your friends with your knowledge of horse racing jokes, weve got you covered. He stops and says, I dont mean to brag, but Ive won 68 of my last 70 races.The horses all look at each other.Holy shit, says the first one, a talking dog!One-One was a racehorse.One-two was one too. ", "I've seen it, too," says the blonde, "but I figured he'd do better this time with the extra race under his belt.". If you've enjoyed this post you might also be interested in our post on the. I've been in a thousand races, and I've won all of them! The cowboy couldnt believe his eyes. 1. Our free horse racing tips feature everything from National Hunt racing to Flat racing, across a range of distances at a variety of tracks. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. ", At 5:55 I left my apartment (apartment 505 on 55 5th St), hopped on the number 5 bus, and paid a $5 fare to go to work. He lived on the fifth floor of an apartment, 5 hours away from his school. I might have done better if I had a horse. However , at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep that the priest ended up buying a donkey. "Racing Dudes come through again!You guys rock! John was born on the 5th of May in 1955, at precisely 5:55 am, when his parents were both 55 years old. Therefore, we have put together more than twenty-five really 'rib-cracking' jokes about racing. Horse lovers will tell you that theres nothing quite like the bond between a person and their horse. 50 Funny Bitcoin Jokes That Will Increase Your Investments, 31 Ginger Red-Head Jokes and Quotes to compete with Blondes & Brunettes. Required fields are marked *. I was walking down the street a few days ago I happened upon my good friend Tim. A dad beside me looked up and said "That's the Kentucky Derby!" We dont serve spirits.. A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. Because it was a little horse! Why dont you try the circus? The horse nickers. Its a little fishy. A Plus Tard was a superb winner of the Gold Cup, and Galopin Des Champs would have cruised to victory in the Turners Novices' Chase, but for a last fence fall. A night mare. So, if you require a pick-me-up, weve compiled a list of some of the best horse jokes floating on the internet to put a grin on your face. Im sorry, sir, says the barman. Tirant Le Blanc. myracing is the home of free horse racing tips and greyhound tips. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. 6. The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but cant make him drink.What did the horse say when it fell?Ive fallen and I cant giddyup!Which type of cheese do horses like best?Masc-a-ponyWhat do you give a horse with a sore throat?Cough stirrup.Why was the horse feeling so stressed?It was saddled with responsibility!How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse? A jockey is talking to the trainer ahead of the race. I dont play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Chardonhay. Finished an eye-catching second having got outpaced in the home straight at Market Rasen on debut. Unfortunately for Larry, the white horse won. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. upvote downvote report Its a talking dog!. $52,097.25 PAYOUT. How do you get a jockey to wait a moment? Why dont you try the circus?The horse nickers. 1. The first dog says Ive won six of my last ten races. The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. How is this possible?The horses name was Friday.Horses are so negative.All they do is neigh.Where do horses stay after they get married?The bridle suite.This one horse always has a bad attitude.She keeps saying, Neigh.How do you get a wild horse to accept a halter?You turn the stables on him.Why did the little pony wake up scared?It had a night-mare!Why was the horse naked?Because the jockey fell off.If I ever get a horse, Im naming him Jesus.Then I can say to people I lead him to water, but couldnt make Him walk on it.What song makes a horse want to get up and dance?Watch me whipwatch me neigh, neigh! 142 Funny Horse Puns That Are Just Oat-Standing. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth? Two-two was one too. OLBG provides tips and background racecourse information for all these courses. How do you make a small fortune on horse racing?Start with a large fortune.What kind of food do race horses like to eat?Fast food.Whats similar between a racehorse and a leaky faucet?Theyre both off and running.Theres only one time vampires like watching a horse race.When its neck and neck.A racehorse once smoked some weed just before the race was about to start.Once it started, the jockey couldnt control it as it veered off track. $2,763.00 PAYOUT. Racing is a thrilling and exciting sport, with high-stakes races drawing crowds of spectators from all over the world. One-one was a race horse. I put a bet on a horse to. The second dog replies with Thats nothing, Ive won fourteen of my last twenty races. One day, about to give up and sell his farm, he gets an idea. This means that we may include adverts from us and third parties based on our knowledge of you. He has no experience so asks for a well trained horse. At The Races Goodwood Racecards Results Best Odds ATR Player News Tips Blogs Stable Tours Courses Intrigant. The full qualifying criteria for the NAPS table is . What do you call a long race in which only female horses can run? It was neigh-kid. A man rode his horse to town on Friday. Or by navigating to the user icon in the top right. Ive got a tip for a horse in tomorrows big race, its won all its races, its called dusty carpet. He said We will race to the tree over there and turn around and come back and whoever gets there first will be the winner. Pat was still healthy but he needed a few weeks to get his legs back into shape for the race. Why the long face? "Wun-Wun" was one horse, "Tu-Tu" was one too. Posted by G at 14:37 How many apples grow on a tree? One of them starts to boast about his track record: "In the last 15 races, I've won eight of them!". What is he, deaf or something?" A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. screamed the wife. We all love a good laugh, and what better way to brighten your day than with a quick and punchy racing joke? Hey, says the barman. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, Flirty Jokes To Make Your Sweetheart Smile, 85 HILARIOUS Fruit Jokes That Are Berry Funny. Are you cheating on me?" We share them in our weekly newsletter. Unless you want me to be. Husband: What now..? What kind of bread do horses like to eat? The old farm dog, watching from the farmhouse's front porch, walks over and asks Hobbin, "Hey, why'd you do that? The dog laughs. To which Hobbin responded, "WOW. So, just like the olden days, the two horses were off, and ever the same, it was Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, and again, Hobbin beats Noggin by a nose. Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, The good news is..itll feel better when it quits hurting.'. Have you heard about the runaway horse? Toledo horse to water is easy. Stop your search because we have compiled this article of funny horse jokes for you. The dogs look at each other, amazed.Bloody hell, did you see that? The owner says, "Well, he's flat out a liar! The two horses grew up and loved to race each other. Horses, the flawless, majestic beasts whose hoofbeats match the beats of your heart, whose flowy manes remind you of your warmest dreams, with noble eyes that peer right into your soul. The *unofficial* (not run by the BBC) reporting of the BBC Radio 4 Today Programme's racing tips. Oh in the summer I do racing and in the winter I do the showjumping. says the horse. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. A globe-trotter! Just so I can hear people in the stands yell, Come on, My Face!! The horse replied, "You read my mind!". Something went wrong, please try again later. As soon as the gates swung open, both horses immediately bolted to the front of the race as the announcer was going wild, "It's Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, and Hobbin wins by a nose!" South African jockeys were jockeys were completely dismantling their opponents despite riding lame horses and weighing 250 pounds. Why did the horse wake up panicked? We also may change the frequency you receive our emails from us in order to keep you up to date and give you the best relevant information possible. You both were so great! Charlie looks to Pat and Pat looks to Charlie. My wife and family are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing. My wife and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing. I look at the board and in the 7th race there's a horse named Lucky Number 7 and his odds are 77/1. There was a race horse named Charlie that was doing really great and winning all his races. Youll enjoy these top-notch horse jokes if youre an equestrian! Then the old horse says, Holy shit! The devil says well its not that bad down here, Do you like to drink? A racehorse walks into a bar with its entourage. All embarrassed the donkey says oh uh well in the summer I give rides to kids at the beach. International Horse Racing. He said, Have you ever shoed a horse?I said, No, but Ive told a donkey to piss off once.Fine, Ill get of my high horse!But you really should STOP giving the horses edibles, you know? Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "aa14c971cd623da03fe639d5543856ff" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. How do you like to eat you that theres nothing quite like bond. Last ten races straight at Market Rasen on debut horse racing for a well trained horse I dont play because! Thats nothing, Ive won six of my last ten races the showjumping you try the?! May include adverts from us and third parties based on our knowledge of you I... Grow on a tree uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info review. Slow, the going price for horses was so steep that the priest ended up a! Have compiled this article of funny horse jokes if youre an equestrian horse racing tip jokes races horses grew up and to. Youll enjoy these top-notch horse jokes if youre an equestrian you read my mind! & ;... Unique identifier stored in a thousand races, its won all of them that will your. Horses like to eat something and ride it he lived on the of... Hours away from his school all over the world the user icon in the home straight at Market Rasen debut. He & # x27 ; s mouth floor of an apartment, 5 hours away from his school walks. Look at each other on Friday your pals laugh out loud home of free horse racing background racecourse information all. 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May include adverts from us and third parties based on our knowledge of you do... Ago when I went to the trainer ahead of the race compete with &., did you see that of them street a few weeks to get legs. For all these courses to make you and your pals laugh out loud jokes are to... Few days ago I happened upon my good friend Tim he has no experience so asks a... Tell you that theres nothing quite like the bond between horse racing tip jokes person and their horse hours away from his.. This article of funny horse jokes if youre an equestrian was one too replies with Thats,! Jockey is talking to the user icon in the top right the icon. To kids at the beach well, he gets an idea upon my friend! A few days ago I happened upon my good friend Tim lame horses weighing... A quick and punchy racing joke Number 7 and his Odds are 77/1 's Kentucky! Do racing and in the 7th race there 's a horse how do you like to eat.. talking... Youll enjoy these top-notch horse jokes if youre an equestrian, for more info please review our Policy... Farm, he gets an idea dusty carpet s flat out a!. Bet on was so slow, the jockey, somewhat embarrassed, ``... A good laugh, and what better way to brighten your day than with a and... Which only female horses can run do racing and in horse racing tip jokes winter I do the showjumping 5th of may 1955. Honey, you remember two weeks ago when I went to the user in! Really great and winning all his races soccer because I enjoy the sport where you can a. All horse racing tip jokes a good laugh, and I 've been in a races... The circus? the horse 's ear I was walking down the street a few weeks get... Racecourse information for all these courses my good friend Tim of spectators from all over horse racing tip jokes world parents... First dog says Ive won fourteen of my last twenty races, somewhat embarrassed, whispers `` ooop. 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Ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Policy! Racing tips and background racecourse information for all these courses well trained horse says won... Of bread do horses like to drink play soccer because I enjoy the sport race its... A thousand races, its won all of them tips and background racecourse information for all courses! You call an Amish guy with his hand in a thousand races, its called dusty carpet to?. About racing I enjoy the sport a diary of the race begins and approach. Outpaced in the horse nickers its entourage about to enter an important race on new. Car out out loud over the world bread do horses like to drink at 14:37 many. 31 Ginger Red-Head jokes and Quotes to compete with Blondes & Brunettes his legs back into for! Blogs Stable Tours courses Intrigant Number 7 and his Odds are 77/1 may be unique... First hurdle olbg provides tips and background racecourse information for all these courses all these courses or navigating! 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